The 8-Step Self-Loving Antidote for your ‘Oh Shit’ moments

The world has never needed Love more than it does at this moment and being able to recognize our ‘Oh Shit’ moments, the moments we feel fear, and transform them into Love, is a gift you can give yourself at this time.  These days when every moment can feel like an ‘Oh Shit’ moment, we especially need superpowers. These eight steps, executed over and over, will help you master this superpower. 

Let me break it down here: We all have ‘oh shit’ moments. And I mean we all do, me too. These days everything feels like an ‘oh shit’ moment. The truth is that even though the world feels hella scary right now, we still have far more safety than our nervous system may realize. If we had an internal Richter scale gauging our ‘oh shit’ moments, most of them would at least be a 7, some even higher.

Unless a bear is chasing you through the woods, or a lion is about to eat your face off, or there’s a person with a bloody ax at your door, or some other extreme immediate event, your ‘oh shit’ moment is probably an exaggeration of the actual events. I covered this in detail in my “You’re not in Danger you’re just Uncomfortable” post. If you missed it, give it a read.

 So, what do you do? Here it is in 8 simple, though not necessarily easy, steps.

1.     NOTICE that you are having an ‘oh shit’ moment. We do this by noticing what messages our body is sending our brain. Notice what your body does when you feel fear. Does your mouth get dry? Do you get a pit in your stomach? Does your throat tighten? Does your heart race? Notice your body.

2.     STOP ‘take no action from a place of big emotion’ this is one of the most important Pearls in my Toolbox. Pause, take a timeout. We react from an unconscious place. We choose how to respond from a conscious place. When we react instead of respond, we often make a mess of things. This step will help you have less messiness to clean up. Resist the urge to spring into action until you get through all of the steps. I know that can feel really difficult. I am asking you to trust me here. 

3.     BREATHE 6 seconds in through your nose 12 seconds slowly out of your mouth 3 times or more. This is actually scientific goodness right here. When you breathe this way you are massaging the vagus nerve with the raising and lowering of your diaphragm. This nerve is one of the most important nerves you have in your body, and is responsible for regulating things like your  heart rate, blood pressure, sweating, digestion, and the like. All things that are highly affected when we are having an ‘Oh Shit’ moment. Massaging the Vagus nerve sends messages to the brain that all is well, so that we can relax and move forward with a more level head. This breathing will also send more oxygen to your brain which it needs to function optimally.

4.     CHECK to see if you are actually in danger. Okay so right now we are all feeling like we are a bit in danger. I get that. Here’s the thing, more often than not, we are actually totally safe in our homes, with food, and a roof over our heads. Now more than ever it is important to differentiate when actual danger is happening in the here and now and when it is happening out there. So unless a bear is chasing you through the woods, or a lion is about to eat you, or something like that you are probably okay. Yes, when you are out of toilet paper and are not sure if it is safe to go out to get food it will feel scary. I want you to absolutely know the difference between real danger and discomfort or inconvenience.  

5.     SOOTHE yourself, get grounded. One of the best ways to do this is by engaging our senses. Touch - wash your hands with warm soapy water (which we are all doing a lot of these days.) Smell - sniff something pleasant - lavender, a rose, a lemon, something you enjoy. Taste - put your full focus on the experience of tasting something. Hear - listen to soothing music or binaural beats - a go-to of mine. See - if you are able to be anywhere in nature really look at it. Watch the squirrels or birds or the breeze. There are lots of different ways to get grounded, these are just a few of them. (Also, there is a section at the beginning of the 28 Days of Self-Love Journal that will walk you through it for FREE)

6.     CURIOSITY - explore your inner world with no judgement or criticism. Maybe say to yourself something like, “Isn’t that interesting, I feel like I am in danger and I am not. What is really going on with me?” Now, this step is where you might need some help from a teacher, guide, coach, etc. This step can take some time. Don’t rush it. You will know when you are complete when you have a powerful “ah-ha” moment, a golden nugget of awareness so profound that it literally changes everything. The goal of step 6 is to discover an old belief that no longer serves us. Perhaps this belief made perfect sense when we were little and simply isn't applicable to adult life.

7.     REWRITE your new belief. Once you have clearly identified the old, no longer useful, not at all helpful, totally in the way, and unnecessary belief, you can write a way more Loving belief. An example may be something like: ‘Wow I believed that if I show my true feeling that I am not safe and they may reject me. A more Loving belief is that I am safest when I am honest with myself and those who Love me by sharing my true feelings even when it feels vulnerable. Now you give it a go. 

Fill in the blanks: “This belief no longer serves me ____________________________________________________________________________________________________. 

A more Loving belief is ____________________________________________________________________________________________________.

8.     PRACTICE: Live your new more Loving belief. Take it out for a spin as often as you can. TELL people about it. Yes, I want you to brag, to share, to encourage others. This will help you reinforce the new more Loving belief. What you are actually doing here is rewiring your neural pathways from the old belief to the new Loving one!

Look, this eight steps antidote seems simple enough, in truth it is not so easy to execute. 

It will take practice, and at times of truly intense ‘Oh Shit’ you may only get to step 2 and need to start again, I’ve been there. This is something you will work on over and over forever. This has been an important part of my own work these last few weeks as we’re flooded with news and uncertainty. I watch for those moments when I notice my mouth get dry and realize oh shit, this is an ‘Oh Shit’ moment and I walk myself through these steps. 

I understand that doing this and moving through these eight steps can be challenging, so I’m bringing you a client example to show you how this can work in your own life. 

During this quick video conversation with my client Alaina, we share how she powerfully puts the eight steps into practice. Such a Loving practice especially now with all that’s going on in the world.

If you are like most of us right now, you are feeling a range of emotions, finding yourself spinning, or just needing some guidance on how to monitor your emotional responses, Love yourself enough to watch this video and learn from Alaina. 

Can you Love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of a little help, support, and guidance? 

This is exactly the work we do in the Self-Love Masterclass and the work I do with my clients 1:1. If you’re feeling the call to step into this more Loving practice, I want to invite you to join me for a workshop covering these eight steps.