Better Out Than In

The number 1 Pearl in my Toolbox is ‘Better out than in’. And it’s number 1 for a reason. 

I firmly believe that whatever we are holding in will eventually find its way out, and when we can let it out on purpose, well, let’s just say there’s a whole lot less mess to clean up. 

Trying to hold our feelings in is as futile as trying to hold 10 beach balls underwater at the same time. It’s just not possible. These feelings we think are better kept on the inside, will fester and ooze and get infected without oxygen. Basically, they get worse to get our attention. They get worse because they want out. 

They will come out sideways at best, and at worst they will become addiction, cancer, autoimmune disease, rage, violence, etc.

Maybe this illustration will help: Have you ever been really pissed at someone, let’s say your boss said a colossal asshole thing to you in front of your co-workers, you just swallowed that anger, then later you’re at home, your kid comes inside with muddy shoes on and tracks mud all over the floor, and you let loose on him? 

That letting loose on your kiddo was likely a disproportionate response to his muddy footprints. In other words, your reaction didn’t fit the crime. That’s because the original anger and frustration at your asshat boss festered. And that is why the number 1 Pearl in my Toolbox is ‘Better out than in’.

You can substitute the asshat boss in the above story for your sweetie, your mother (because let’s face it, if it’s not one thing it’s your mother), the IRS, an unexpected bill, money in general, your father-in-law, the wreck on the way to work, oh or how about a test result you are worried about. 

There are any number of things in any given day that we feel big feelings around. 

And we can substitute your kiddo for any other innocent unsuspecting soul who gets the wrath of feelings that finally wriggle up and out to make their way to the surface.

The good news? All of this is absolutely 100% totally avoidable. Nice, right?

So, how do we let these things out appropriately? 

I am glad you asked. There are a number of ways to let things out. One important thing to remember here is that everything is energy. So how best to get the energy out depends on the situation, and on you.

Here’s a quick off the top of my head list:

·      Scream into a pillow.

·      Cry, like really, really cry. The ugly cry for 3-5 minutes or maybe 15 minutes.

·      Laugh, like really, really laugh. A good belly laughs for at least a minute or more.

·      Sing at the tippy top of your lungs. Sad songs. Angry songs. I actually have an angst playlist, true story. Give it a listen the next time you feel really angry.

·      Tell someone. Now this one can be tricky. You don’t want to tell just anyone. I encourage you to have a tribe of good close peeps who you feel safe enough to share everything, and I mean everything with. This can take time to cultivate and is so totally worth it. Shout out to my besties Sara, Anna, Cindi, Allison, and Tiffany. 

·      Join a group where self-growth and self-expression are highly valued. The Self-Love Masterclass is one example.

·      Tell your Yoda. Find your Yoda is another Pearl in my Toolbox. Suffice it to say, I would not be who and where I am without many a wise teacher.

·      Movement – yoga, running, walking, tennis.

·      Journal – writing can be very cathartic.

·      Swamp – this is one of my personal favorites. Regena Thomashauer, aka Mama Gena, describes Swamping as “Letting your body move all that backlog of intense feeling out with sound and movement.” So, play some music, move the furniture, clear yourself a space, and writhe around letting the emotion come out in waves and sound.

I think you get the point. Let it OUT Loves.

Let me know if you’ve got other good ideas for releasing to add to the list. We are all in this together. And I’m here too, if you need someone to share your pent-up feelings, comment on this blog post and I will listen with an open heart, I’m super good at it.

So much Love,

Tracey Lee