Taking what Serves Us and Leaving The Rest
I wrote this blog post years ago...maybe 6 or 7 years ago. I refer to it often, forwarding it to clients, unearthing it for the truth and goodness and the powerful shift it offers the reader. I shared it again just this week with a client and felt the nudge to share it with all of you again, now, for those of you who need this message as much as I did years ago.
I have a “no” mother and a “yes” father. It has always been this way. As a child, this was devastatingly confusing. I took Mother’s “nos” as an indication that I was unlovable and Dad’s “yeses” as an indication of my worthiness of Love. Mother was ever withholding, and Dad was overly generous. It was confusing, to be sure, and I grew up to become a very black and white adult. The undoing of this has been a lengthy and rewarding process. I say all this not to invoke pity or sympathy, but merely as backstory for what became a powerful ah-ha!
On a recent phone conversation with my mother, I mentioned having a stomach virus. Her response was, “Well, a stomach virus is always good to lose a couple of pounds.” My friends gasped when I relayed yet another Motherism, as I have come to call them. They no longer sting – thanks be to God and many a good therapist. It wasn’t until my dad called the next morning, “Just to see how you are feeling, kiddo” that the big ah-ha happened.
As children, we look to our parents, older siblings, teacher, friends, etc. to get a sense of who we are. Their reactions mirror back to us our own self-image. What I did not know as a child, and in fact none of us do, is that my parents’ reactions run through a filter that has nothing to do with me. The filter is made up of their own life experiences, most of which happened long before I was even a twinkle in their eye.
Today, what I know is that I have the freedom to take what I like and leave the rest. Mother is free to have her beliefs about stomach viruses and weight loss, and I am free to let it roll off of me like water off a duck’s back (cue the choir of angels). Dad is also free to call and check on his ill daughter, and I am free to enjoy the Loving gesture. Guess what? Neither of those actions has anything to do with me, they are NOT a reflection of anything about me, ever, period. (Cue the angels again!!)
I choose who I am and how I show up in the world, and I decide how Loveable I am. No one else gets to determine that for me…or for you! Wow what a relief that is!
My parents have both moved from this realm of flesh and bone to the spirit realm. I am grateful for every single lesson I learned in their not-so-easy, sometimes almost unbearably difficult, always beneficial classroom.
These are my life’s lessons. My life is the classroom. So is yours. When we merge our classrooms together, scootch our desks closer until they are touching, the lessons feel less painful. When we share, connect, support and Love each other, the load becomes more bearable.
“Many hands make light work.” - John Heywood
I could not have gotten where I am without many a wonderful teacher. I honor them and myself by teaching what I have learned. This is what we do in Self-Love Masterclass. Take my hand and choose Love with me. When you are ready, there will be a seat with your name on it, and a room full of others excited to see you, know you, support you, and Love you.
Self-Love Masterclass meets in a video conference room so you can connect from anywhere in the world. If you are reading this message, you have the technology to join us from the safety of your own home.
