Accepting life on life’s terms

Acceptance is the only way to not suffer. Accepting life on life’s terms can sometimes feel like a dizzying rollercoaster, nearly impossible at times.

This week I was part of an intellectual salon discussing the evolution of consciousness through Love for a full-length documentary film called Love Evolved. To be invited in itself is one of the highlights of my life. I sat among some of the most amazing people I have ever met. The entire experience was absolutely joyful, delightful, and nearly indescribable. The Love I felt flowing from and to each individual on the set was tangible. I am certain the experience alone was transformative for everyone involved and that the ripple effect will transform lives beyond what I am able to imagine.

Also this week, the father of my adult sons, Taylor and Gavin, died at the age of 58, his body finally succumbing to alcoholism. Hearing the news, shock washed over me, shock that lasted the whole the day and into the next. I consoled and supported my sons, assisting them with all things difficult: emotions, their own shock and grief, and lots of decisions. I revisited my own frustration and anger around this addiction and how much it cost me personally, the pain it caused my boys, and how much it cost their father.

Life on life’s terms... Everything is neutral, as my bestie, Allison Crow, regularly reminds me. How in the world can these events be neutral when the way I feel is far from neutral? And yet, I know this is true.

Resistance causes suffering. Acceptance, non-resistance, allows me to freely move through the feelings as they arise. Judgement and criticism are the actions of resistance. Compassion and curiosity are the actions of acceptance. Awareness is the magical tool that assists me in knowing when I am in resistance or acceptance. Gentleness with myself and others has been most important, and I have kept it close at hand this week.

We, my sons and I, have experienced so many miracles this week, truly too many to count. We have experienced unbelievable kindness and generosity from people we have never met as well as those near and dear. We have experienced mending of relationships long hardened and broken, now tender and soft. My sons, now truly in their own adulthood, have navigated this impossible time in such an impressive way. What they have accomplished, how they have worked together and with others, allowed themselves to be supported, forgiven themselves and others for those human moments that are so inevitable, given and received Love openly and easily, and asked for what they need – I am so very proud of them.

It is so easy to simply look at alcoholism as a horrible thing. Acceptance tells me I must find a way to be with what is and not in resistance to it. Every moment, Love is trying to teach me something and show me something. Every moment, there is something Love wants me to do. I am who I am partly because I was married to an alcoholic for 9 years. Taylor and Gavin are who they are because partly because their father was an alcoholic. It is hard and ugly and frustrating and nearly impossible to accept. And yet, when I can slip into neutrality and look at things objectively, even if just for a moment, I can and do see all of the good that has come as a result of this nearly unbearable thing.

This experience of jubilation and despair simultaneously is a perfect example of experiencing life on life’s terms.