Mothering full circle
I love being a mother. Truth be told it is the only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up. Growing up around girls who wanted to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc., I looked forward to motherhood with eager anticipation. This is a curious thing given that my own mother and I had a cold and difficult relationship at best. I suppose I wanted to be that which I so longed for - nurturing, unconditional love and acceptance, guidance, and someone to always be on my side.
On March 31, 1992 my wish came true with the birth of Taylor Lee Wallace. He came 3 weeks early, as if neither of us could bear the anticipation another day. Motherhood was everything I thought it would be, and so much more. And then I was blessed again on December 6, 1996 when Jarred Gavin Wallace graced the world with his gorgeous perfection.
Taylor and Gavin are my only biological children. I have been blessed by many others who have called me Mom. Friends of my boys whose mothers were unavailable to be truly present. These kiddos often burst through the front door with a loud, “hi Mom” followed by an enthusiastic hug. I am still friends with many of those kids even though their friendships with my boys have faded as friendships do. One of these friends called me recently with a family crisis. My mama heart swelled knowing that after years of not seeing her, she knew she could come to me.
In December 2013, I was blessed a third time with a son. This son was 18 on the verge of 19 and had been my step-son. Through a series of events that are his story to tell one day if he so chooses, Damon came back into my life for good. Six foot four inches tall, blond, blue eyed and gorgeous, he sticks out of our short dark haired brown eyed family like the most beautiful not at all sore thumb ever. I love when I introduce my sons and people look and the three of them and then at me and I can hear the questions in their head. I just look at them and say, “Yup my three sons. I am so blessed.” It’s not really anyone’s business the details of it all. I am the mother of 3 beautiful, smart, kind, generous, talented sons, and I am a lucky mama three times over.
Recently things began to change with my mother. The same mother I had the cold and difficult relationship with, has been diagnosed with dementia, which is not a huge surprise at 84. Thus my role in my own mother’s life has taken a decided and immediate turn. She thanked me sincerely this morning for “mothering her” through this time in her life. I now have the district honor and privilege to offer my mother nurturing, unconditional love, acceptance, guidance, and someone to always be on her side. For many years of my life this would not only have been difficult, it would have been impossible. Today, miraculously, it is a joy and an honor to offer these valuable gifts to her. After year and years of work, self-exploration, learning to love myself, healing, and re-parenting that began with the thought, “I hate my mother and I hate the way that feels” I have not only come full circle, I have created a new and holy circle. A holy circle in which I can freely give to my mother that which I did not receive from her. My mother has truly been my greatest teacher. ❤
ily <3
