Emotions 101 - Achieving Emotional Sobriety

Twice now, I have facilitated a workshop on emotions. The participants’ reactions are nothing short of powerful. While there are many, many emotions, they all can be diluted into five basic emotions: sad, angry, afraid, guilt/shame, happiness. From this workshop has emerged a simple tool that packs a powerful dive into vulnerability, self-awareness, and if you are brave enough to share your truth with another, true intimacy. I am implementing this tool in my own life and recommending it to all of my clients.

Emotions give us a kind of weather report of ourselves and others, and that is powerful information.  Without that information we are not prepared for what storms may come. When I don’t know that it’s going to be 110 degrees outside today, I might not dress appropriately. When I feel angry about something and unaware of my own anger, I can easily let that anger come out inappropriately.

For example, if I feel angry about a long wait at the doctor’s office with my mother, and I come home to my teenager on the couch playing video games with his friends, I may explode all over him because the house messy and smells like burnt popcorn.  YIKES! I really really don’t want to show up like that…anymore.

As I learn to recognize my own feelings without judgment or criticism, I can be honest with the people around me, as well as better soothe and nurture myself. In the above example, now aware of my own anger, I could call ahead to my teenage son and give him a heads up. “Hey kiddo, I am feeling frustrated and angry about how long we waited at the doctor with Grandma. It would be great if things were calm and somewhat clean when I get home.” This way I am 1) aware of myself 2) asking for what I need/want 3) teaching my son what Loving action looks like for me 4) modeling self-care to my kiddo! WIN WIN WIN!!!

Here’s the basic tool. My suggestion is that you check in with yourself, morning and evening, in the following way:

1. I feel sad about ____________.

2. I feel angry about ____________.

3. I feel afraid about ____________.

4. I feel guilt/shame about ____________.

5. I feel happy about ____________.

Keep it simple and short. No need for story here. Just the data.

1. I feel sad about the news I got of a friend’s cancer.

2. I feel angry about the long wait at the doctor today.

3. I feel afraid about what life will be like when my youngest son leaves for college.

4. I feel guilt/shame about not having more money in my savings account.

5. I feel happy about seeing my middle son this weekend.

Bonus – step into vulnerability and greater intimacy (into me you see) by sharing the list with your significant other.

ily <3