Self-Love - The Basics

What is this Self- Love thing that so many people are talking about right now? 

There are all different kinds of loves, Here is a great post from Sted Scott about the pillars of love to get you started. Self-Love is what happens when you get back to the truth of who you be and Love all of you. 

This means Loving more than just the bright and shiny, happy parts. When we can truly Love all of us, when we can Love the light and the darkness in ourselves, that’s when the true magic and power of Self-Love begins to transform your life. 

To help explain this a bit more, allow me to share my journey with self-love and how you can practice it as well. 

My Story of Self-Love

Self-Love came to my awareness because it's what I most needed to learn.

One of the things that first happened for me was that I started exploring “what's wrong with me” and “how do I fix me?” I was reading all these self-help books and taking seminars, and going to classes and on, and on, and on. And one of the things that I started to notice is, almost everybody had some story of family dysfunctional from their childhood.

And what I realized then is that this must be happening for us, not to us. And if I can partner with that and try and understand the why's...why would this have happened? What would this be teaching me? Then I can partner with it instead of resisting it.

And so that's how my journey started.

Really and truly, my journey began when I was 15 years old and I hated my mother and I hated the way it felt to be me. And I was determined to do it differently. I knew I didn’t like the way it felt to be me and by God, I was going to choose to feel differently. And I began to take the first steps to remembering the truth of me.

Then somewhere down the line, one of my friends asked me when I was going to write a book. And I responded with, “what would I write a book about?” And he said, "You have all this wisdom." And I said "None of it's mine. All of it is stuff I've collected along the way." And he said, "But the way you package it, you have a responsibility you are the repository for it." 

And that was the first time I really had the nudge, the “aha” of perhaps all of this journey had given me a Ph.D. in Self-Love and I've got things that I can teach other people.

How You Can Practice Self-Love

So the way to Self-Love, first and foremost, is to notice what you're feeling - with no judgment and no criticism. 

Just notice, what are you feeling? When we take time in the sacred quietude to just consciously notice self, then I can notice what I'm feeling. 

And we begin to notice that our feelings are like the hands on a compass that tells us where to go, where Love most wants to go. 

This is where I begin to use the practical application of what I call “Pearls in my Toolbox.”

I teach this over and over because it’s that important and I need to be reminded too. These pearls help us with the unlearning and the re-remembering of the truth of who you be. We are conditioned to become, and to be, a certain way by our families, our school, society. We learn to internalize “What are the rules are? How do I get in the box and stay in the box they want me it? How do I fall in line?” And along the way, we abandon the truth of who we be.

So part of Self-Love, then, is asking yourself, what would it be like to get back to the truth of who you be and just Love all of you? That's what I teach my clients how to do, is to Love all of you. 

Not like all of it, but without judgment or condemnation, to have an acceptance and an understanding and a Love for how you learned to act and then allow that to dissolve in the light of Love so you can re-member who you truly be. 

And sometimes with Self-Love what we need is a mirror. 

I talk about my besties all the time, we will straight talk about anything. The minute I feel shame, I reach out for my besties because I know that shame is an ass kicker and I Love myself so much that I choose not to be alone with my shame. I need a mirror to help me see when I am not Self-Loving.

The Most Important Journey

Self-Love is the most important journey I've ever taken. It is completely life-changing. 

When I can truly Love myself, the relationships in my life transform magnificently, even some of the hardest relationships, those relationships change when we realize that the other person is our teacher here to teach us something about ourselves.

If you want a taste of one of the Pearls in my Toolbox to begin practicing your own journey to Self-Love, I’m inviting you to my workshop What was & What will Be. 

This is a process that I use at the end of the year where we focus on clearing what no longer serves us from the current year so that we can be an empty vessel to be able to call in and claim and receive and conjure up a delicious new year.

So What was & What will Be is an opportunity to empty out 2019, take Loving stock of what was great and what wasn't, and then leaning into 2020 by deciding and discovering and exploring what is it that would truly delight us. 

I hope you will join us for What was & What will Be, if not, I encourage you to have a process for clearing out and making space for that which you really desire.

Sending you big Love from my big juicy heart to yours, 

Tracey Lee